Sunday, July 17, 2011

DILEMMA

I am really beginning to face some tough decisions. I am conflicted over the life I want, the life I have, and the current path I am on. I am a Mathematics major, Accounting minor from Shaw University. I learned so much in my studies, especially how much I don't want to pursue those fields in my career. This blog has opened my mind, my eyes, and my world  to the fashion industry. And surprisingly, not only do I love the creativity and freedom of the Fashion World, I respect the structure of the business. Although this structure makes it hard for a young Black girl like me with no money and no connections, it intertwines so cohesively with what I want to do with my life. I have been researching graduate fashion management programs and possible cities I would like to live and work in. However, every time I express my dreams and goals to someone who could give me that big break, they don't see what I see. They don't believe that I can have the fashion talent desired to excel. They want a fashion student, which is understandable. But just because I didn't study it in school doesn't mean I don't have a fiery passion for it in my soul.

I realized there our a few things I'm going to have to do. I am going to have to work on my outer appearance. I am a pretty girl :) but I am not stick thin. Since middle school, I knew I couldn't afford to stay up with the trends so I just had my own laid back style that kept me looking presentable. It continued into my college years, a time I wanted to evolve my style but still didn't have the means to. The fashion industry is image driven and I must look the part every moment of my life. If the uniform is heels, nice handbags, and stylish clothing, I am ready to oblige. However, I am beginning to see that my budget can't even sustain a splurge on cheap clothing. I am going to try thrifting but that has become an overpriced practice too. Why pay fifty dollars for an old shirt when I can get a new one for $25? I never thought my hardest project would be styling myself but it is a challenge I will accept.

I also realized that I am going to have to beg, plead, write letters, and crawl on my knees to get some fashion experience. I am going to have to work a job next semester but I really want to intern as well. With 18 final credit hours in the mix, I really just want God to make the impossible possible. I am researching boutiques and designers in the Raleigh area and will be writing letters and emails next week.

Lastly, I realized I can't give up. I can't let people discourage me. I have to be able to accept criticism and to evolve beyond the critique. I have to believe whole-heartedly that if I prayed and cried to God about this thing and I believe that he is guiding me on the right path, I can't detour from that no matter what happens. I am working on my spiritual life, my forgiveness, and my communication skills. I am just trying to be a better, more self-assured Elisa.

With every problem I just listed, I provided a solution. Another skill I am trying to master: Solving my own problems. As a little girl, I always had a solution. Most times a style solution. I absolutely adored dressing myself, my mom, my cousins, and my grandma. My grandma instilled style into my heart at a young age. She would say "If you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you can do anything." And just with those words, I believed I was unstoppable. Now as a grown up, I am fighting to get that crazy, childlike faith back.

I have the passion. I have the drive. I am hungry. I believe it will all work out. I have so much work ahead of me. Life as I know it is not an option anymore. There is no reason I can't live my dreams and be happy with the life and career I chose and shaped for myself. I have been grinding the whole time. I guess I wrote this because I know the biggest hustle of my life starts now.

1 comment:

  1. it will all work out! good luck
    Billion Dollar Design Club
    http://bddesignclub.blogspot.com/
    Check it out & follow!
    i design high quality blogs,logos,etc. at an affordable price so let me know if your interested. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete

Do Share ;)