Saturday, November 30, 2013

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: BE GRATEFUL

Since I was younger, gratefulness has always been something I struggled with. Looking back I was almost a brat. When we had nice things and all of our loves ones were close by, I had no complaints. I was the happiest child. Things weren't perfect but I literally had no worries. But then we moved and all of our loved ones were far away. They didn't call as much and didn't visit much. I felt so broken and forgotten. And then when we fell on hard times, they were too hard for a middle school tween me to grasp. Especially when my peers had new clothes, lunch money, and new cell phones. I had hand me down and thrift store clothes, shoes I had for a year, no phone until I got the one no one had anymore, and I was too hungry a few of those days to even care. The lack of things I felt I should have that everyone else did made me feel inferior, ugly, stupid, poor, insignificant, and invisible. I was so angry with everyone close to me. I felt alone. When people would give me compliments on how smart I was or how pretty I was, I would act like they were crazy and I wouldn't say thank you. I just couldn't believe them and I almost felt like they were patronizing me. If some one did something nice for me, gave me gifts or money, I said thank you but I always acted as if what they gave wasn't great enough. I was always comparing what I had to what others had. I would just look at my gift and think "it doesn't even matter that I got this. This 'thing' can't change my life. It's not worth enough money to solve my problems. This 'thing' isn't going to make me happy. No matter how many 'things' I get, it will never measure up. I will still be broke; nothing good is ever going to happen to me."

Looking back at the brat I was at times, I had to go through those tough times early to be able to be who I am now. Now I value money and I value even more any blessing from every God led person. I had to learn the hard way not to compare my portion to that of other people (Thanks Heather). No matter how great you think a person's life is, don't envy or be jealous. You don't know what they had to go through to get where they are. If the weight of their life was on your shoulders, you would probably crumble under the pressure. The weight of your life was specifically proportioned for your level of strength. God knows what you need. He knows how much you can handle. I've finally learned to be grateful for everything I have. I look at my shoes, my clothes, my jewelry, and I just praise God that I got options now. I'm grateful my grandma is allowing me to live in her home and she wants me there. I'm grateful I'm able to help others with what God has blessed me with. I'm grateful I dropped my old negative, hopeless attitude for a brighter perspective on what life can be. I'm grateful that I love myself and that even with every flaw, I know I am beautiful. I'm grateful that I have love in my heart, that people love me, I love them back, and that they can never forget me. I'm grateful that no matter what God is always with me, and that I'm never alone. I'm grateful that he heals me when I am broken. I'm grateful that I made it through those hard times to tell you that you can make it out too.

I just want you to know that your hardships are preparing you for greater. Don't be like me and wallow through the pain. I can never get those years of anger and depression back. Precious years of my childhood that I should've spent happy. We may not be able to choose everything in our lives but we can choose how we deal with the many obstacles that will occur. Instead, I ask you to take a massive leap of faith, trust God for greater over your little, and be grateful for everything you have now. Stop comparing your life, stop hoping things will be different, and stop wasting time dwelling on it. What you have power to change, do all you can to change it. But all the things you want to change but can't, be grateful for it because it was placed there in your life, in your way as a test for you to pass. Once you pass that tests, no one will be able to shake the blessings that will come forth due to your obedience and discipline. So I plead, no matter how hard or impossible things seem, be grateful for it now. You will understand why it had to happen to you later. Love you, SMOOCHES XOXO

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