Wednesday, June 3, 2015


I just want to curl up and fade away. Simply that is the "feeling" I've had the last couple of days. I don't have a scripture either. I am in place of I know God can do all things and I trust Him but everything is tugging at my heart. It's easier to lay in bed all day than to deal with life. Ever felt this way?

Well, I don't know why you feel this way but I know why I feel this way. And note the words "feel." Even though I feel like shrinking back, I haven't. This is, of course, an extremely busy and annoying week for me. I know I feel this way because I used to deal with depression and I don't think I adequately passed that test yet.

The same things that triggered depression then is trying to trigger it now: conflicts with people, conflicts at work, confrontation, not having any money, mounds of work undone, important deadlines, new things, unclear plans for my future. The same mountain and the same triggers. Shooting the mountain is useless; it is not going to budge. Shooting yourself only derails your progress and you are still not over the mountain. Shooting yourself can cause you to stay at that mountain forever. Only one more solution left: CLIMB.

Though my feelings have been hurt and I want to not deal with anyone, the Lord keeps urging me to make amends and be friendly. I just found out my funding source for school is not secure but the Lord is urging me to apply anyway. I have lingering conflict in too many relationships (today, 0 is too many) but the Lord is urging me to be the one to step up. I just don't know what else I can do about getting girls enrolled and securing funding for Girls Like Me but the Lord continues to urge me to nurture my baby. I just want to give up on everything but the Lord keeps urging me to keep going.

If the Lord, who is at times very silent, is calling you, tugging on your heart, or even pushing you, why would you resist or give up on yourself? That's what the spirit of depression will do to you if you don't address it properly. It will keep coming back around when God puts you in a place of pressing and stretching which is often if you are trying to grow in Him and live for Him. Before I knew Christ, depression almost took my life. It has caused me to let so many relationships and opportunities go down the drain. Were all of them for me? Probably not, but I don't have a higher level of peace from those situations. Sometimes I wonder: "What if I would've handled that situation differently? What if I would've stepped up instead of shrinking back and letting the situation negatively affect my mind?"

Depression is a spirit that will weigh on you if you don't slay it. It is one spirit that will prey on you mentally from time to time. The only way to overcome is to climb through it. I've finally learned this as I have been climbing this week. You can relate if you have ever been mountain climbing or rock wall climbing. My hands and feet are hurt and tired climbing this mountain. The Lord is my harness. He has my loins tightly girded even though I am extremely uncomfortable. I want to stop climbing but I know there is no backing down now. I got to get over. Here are some tips, some chalk for your hands, to help you climb.

1. Pray and Fast. Always will be my number one suggestion because who else can help you but God.

2. Confront. When depressed, you want to run from all your problems and hide. The word of God says in many instances that if you have an issue, you need to bring it to the light. Don't wallow, don't gossip, and don't ignore. Deal with Life. Life is confrontation.

3. Amend. Once you confront, accept the apology, put the issue to rest, and forgive. Forgive the person, the trial, and even yourself. Let the Lord give you peace which surpasses all understanding.

4. Be Creative. If you can find time to lay, sulk, ignore, and pull away, use that time to attack the things you have to do. Too low to work? Think of new ideas, draw, write, sing. Do anything that is pleasing in God's sight to help you get out of this funk. Doing things you love ignites a spark in your spirit the fades away the darkness of depression.

5. Trust the Lord. You may not have money. You may not know what's going to happen tomorrow or six months from now. You may hate your job. You may not have a job. You may be confused. You may be lonely. But we have to know in our spirits that the Lord wouldn't bring us this far to leave us. I know it may sound crazy but you are a Christian so it has to become your normal vernacular. You may hit your lowest point, but if you don't get depressed and keep working through the pain, the Lord will make a way for you. Don't you know your misfortunes prepare you for your fortunate future?! The bigger your misfortunes, the bigger the Lord will allow your fortunes to become (your fortunes could be peace, joy, family, love, deliverance; I am not necessarily referring to monetary fortunes). But only if you entrust your life to His will.

So if you feel a feeling of lingering depression, shut it down and CLIMB through it. I am going to pass the test this time. Depression can't beat me. I am not judging anyone who is on medications for depression as it is a mental illness. However, depression is a mental illness that Christ can deliver you from. He possesses the spirit of joy, the cure of depression. You never get rid of it completely as you may just have thoughts or instant urges that you sweep away after some time. However, the Lord wants you to keep pushing and climb through it all. I know that something amazingly blessed is waiting for you over that mountain. CLIMB for your SMOOCHES XOXO

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