Sunday, July 19, 2015


This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another. We must not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and killed his brother. And why did he kill him? Because Cain had been doing what was evil, and his brother had been doing what was righteous. So don’t be surprised, dear brothers and sisters, if the world hates you. (1 John 3:11-13 NLT)

Hey Sugar Muffins! First of all, I apologize for lateness. I will start blogging ahead so that I won't fall behind. Secondly, I have been going through it in a very confusing way. Awesome things and opportunities are coming. However, I just have been feeling not excited. I don't feel proud of my accomplishments. Everything seems to be clouded with worry and doubt. Through it all, I am trying to stay positive and move forward. The Lord continues to assure me that He is in control of everything and I am grateful that He loves me. But besides Him and my family, it feels like no one else does.

With that being said, loneliness has tried to creep into this year. I am very grateful for my 2 big cousins, my grandma, and my besties in North Carolina as they have always been there for me and I know they will continue to be. However, it is at times hard to relate to them as no one seems to be in the same stage of life that I am. Plus, I'm very devoted to my ventures which often occupys my life and time. Friends who have been close to me and who I felt I could relate to have turned their backs on me and walked out of my life. It feels like they have declared World War III against my character and my business.

Even though I've been hurt, I don't want to give up on love or people. I have always had a desire to have good friends in my life who were there for me and vice versa. I probably desired great friendships more than I ever desired to get married or be in a relationship. But not being in a romantic relationship, being approached by men who I am not interested in, and being ignored by the men that I am interested in has taken its toll as well. I feel alone at church. I feel alone at work. I feel like no one likes me. No one loves me. I am undesirable. There's something I am not doing right. I'm a horrible person. Why not me? Lord do you favor them over me? Lord you must not love me?

Yet, I always catch myself and I begin to pray. "Lord, show me Your love for me. I forgive and I pray that I am forgiven. I wish prosperity and a full life for those who are no longer in my life. Lord, I want Your will to be done in my life. If I did anything wrong  or that is not like You in this situation, Lord convict me and change my heart. I know that this is just a season. Help me to love others. Help me to love myself. Help me to love You. I know that feelings are temporary and not all sent by You. I cast down those demonic feelings and I put my full trust in You. Lord, heal me from brokeness so that I can pour out the love in me onto others who will recieve. Help me not to take it personal if I am not well received. Lord, my life is Yours. My heart is Yours. Your will be done. I will love who You tell me to love. I will have the relationships You ordain me to have and when You ordain for me to have them. I trust You with my love life and friendships. I am not alone because I do have people in my life who love me. But most of all I know that You love me. You will never forsake me. You will always be there for me. I love You forever. Amen."

If you feel anything like a feel, read that last passage aloud to yourself. It is a hard pill to swallow but it is a pill that you need to take. We often forget that loving others isn't about reciprocation. If that were the case, Christ wouldn't have died on the cross for us. We can never repay Him for his love and He knew it. Don't seek love because you want be loved in returned. We are to love because it is commanded to do so. Ask God to remove evil from your heart. Ask the Lord to help you to love again. When you are hurt by people, it's not God's will for you to build a wall to protect yourself but to turn to Christ so that He can heal you so that you can love again. We have to remember that the love we feel isn't for ourselves. Love is for others, to be given away, and to even be taken. Love One Another. SMOOCHES XOXO

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