Friday, September 18, 2015

Fresh Start, Clean Slate, Starting Over, Yadda Yadda

Hello Angels! Have you ever had a moment in your life where you finally realized what you are supposed to be doing with your life, but your life as-is is so far from what you know it's supposed to be? Well, I'm here. If you haven't been here, you may find yourself here one day if you surrender your ENTIRE life to the Lord. That's how I got here. If you have been here and you have moved forward to do what you were called to do, I have a question for you.

Now What? Yes, this is my number one question. I finally know exactly what the Lord has called me to do but I am in a painful place in life where I just can't stop life as I know it. Logically, this is what I have to tell myself. This painful place feels like a comfy trap I've been in for years. Yet, in actuality, the trap was never a trap and I've always had the choice to stay or go. But the trap stays so comfy as my minimal (and I do mean minimal) needs are met. Every now and then, I even may get an incentive which entices me to stay even longer. How do I move forward to what I was called to do when it means leaving my comfy trap for the unknown.

I may have named it "The Unknown" but I've already characterized that place. Yes, I'll be happy doing what I love but what I love doesn't make money. Doing what I've been called to do is currently costing me the minimal incentives of the trap (a.k.a. my paycheck). The other part of my calling is dependent upon people liking what I produce and my influence. Lately, I've come to notice that while I feel like the Lord made me uniquely wonderful and special, the unknown is heavily flooded with people who are better and way more experienced than I am in what I've been called to do. I guess you can tell I am scared of the unknown. I can't deny that I am. I remember the feeling of having to ask my friends for money to eat or not eating at all. I remember not having money to buy the things I needed and never fathomed the thought of the things I might want. I remember wearing a pair of shoes until I physically couldn't wear them anymore. The thought of not having a steady paycheck takes my mind to those memories and further builds resistance in my heart towards the unknown.

So to those who have been here, now what? I've been praying, I've been fasting, and I've been believing that the Lord will show me how He is going to work all of this out.

I read a scripture.

And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief. (Mark 9:24 KJV)

Don't think that because I have questions and concerns regarding what the Lord is going to do for me that I don't believe that He will move. I know He is going to provide wisdom and provision. I know He will make a way for me. I know that even if I have to go through a season of lack that He will bring me out. Just because you're scared, you have doubts, and you have questions for God doesn't make you weak or have less faith. We are humans. Our spirit men will never completely wipe out our flesh; our iniquities are always there. But you have to ask God to help you believe in Him and His will for your life even when you just don't see how it's going to work.

This may sound cliche, but I'm starting over... again. I am going to make the steps to do what He called me to do full time. Little pay or no pay, it's killing me not being fully in the will of God for my life. Happiness is fleeting so I am no longer even looking for that. I am working towards a peace of mind.

In all you do, make sure you are led by the Holy Spirit and you are doing what the Lord has called you to do in that season. This is just a piece of my season I am sharing with you in case you are here, in a similar season, and you need to be encouraged. For those of you haven't been here, your season is simply not like mine and that is okay. With every blog posts you read and all the advice you receive, make sure that it is confirmed in your spirit by the Word of God and by God's instructions for you.

So Now What? I'm starting over. I'm going into the unknown. I can't stay here. I am not trapped; I have a choice. I trust in the Lord to provide. Everything is going to be alright. Yadda yadda yadda. SMOOCHES XOXO

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